.les miserables.

My life.. is miserable. And the funny thing is that I love it.

I second guess every thing I see. I hardly believe anything I hear. I no longer wish to know everything, I just wish to know the truth.

I am not comfortable.

Music is not the same. I over analyze every lyric, every video.

Movies lost their value. I hardly watch anymore. In between all the evaluating I do, comparing it to situations that have absolutely nothing to do with the movie.

I am no longer a “Christian”. I am not sure I ever was.

I spent my whole life, feeling like life was meant for so much more than religion. I was right.

I don’t worship Jesus. I worship God. Yes, the two ARE different.

I watch Christian’s dabble in ignorance on a daily basis.

It kills me.

I realize how much I have been brainwashed, and it is a hard thing to change. No, not change. Overcome.

People act like they care.. but really.. they don’t. And I know this, because I really don’t either. At least I am honest.

For the last 6 months, I have been left alone by practically 99% of the people I considered friends. I met new people, and those people, not even of faith showed me God in the greatest ways.

I have lost my mind. But I speak it.

Everyone is surplus. Even I.

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Hello Tumblr.
I love my son. :D

Hello Tumblr.

I love my son. :D

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Live honestly..

because lies run faster than you do.
because doing good deeds isn’t enough.
because drama will stay away from you…
unless you surround yourself with dishonest people.
because if you don’t mean it, it don’t mean feces.

:Live Honestly:
because being an honest person, and tricking people into thinking you are a good person is substantially different.

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Less to say, more to give.: Today

gallenpl:

I started having a quiet time (or bible time, or prayer, or whatever you call it.)

Then I saw the dishes. Someone else was already planning on doing them later, so no need to “interrupt” MY time with God, right? I mean I was saved by God, following Jesus is about ME growing closer to him, right?

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The Golden Rule and Bruce Lee

I have a simple belief. It was taught to me by sunday schools from where I grew up. All of this scholar stuff just muddies the water to me. I read the Bible, and I respect what is written in it. However I do not often pick it apart, and spend a tremendous amount of time on it.

I believe that my time is better spent on people. I feel more accomplished having spent time talking to a person, then studying the Bible.

Bruce Lee while speaking of Jeet Kune Do once said, (please note that this will be lengthy, but I encourage you greatly to read it all)

“I have not invented a “new style,” composite, modified or otherwise that is set within distinct form as apart from “this” method or “that” method. On the contrary, I hope to free my followers from clinging to styles, patterns, or molds. Remember that Jeet Kune Do is merely a name used, a mirror in which to see “ourselves”… Jeet Kune Do is not an organized institution that one can be a member of. Either you understand or you don’t, and that is that. 

There is no mystery about my style. My movements are simple, direct and non-classical. The extraordinary part of it lies in its simplicity. Every movement in Jeet Kune-Do is being so of itself. There is nothing artificial about it. I always believe that the easy way is the right way. Jeet Kune-Do is simply the direct expression of one’s feelings with the minimum of movements and energy. The closer to the true way of Kung Fu, the less wastage of expression there is.

Finally, a Jeet Kune Do man who says Jeet Kune Do is exclusively Jeet Kune Do is simply not with it. He is still hung up on his self-closing resistance, in this case anchored down to reactionary pattern, and naturally is still bound by another modified pattern and can move within its limits. He has not digested the simple fact that truth exists outside all molds; pattern and awareness is never exclusive.

Again let me remind you Jeet Kune Do is just a name used, a boat to get one across, and once across it is to be discarded and not to be carried on one’s back.

To reach the masses, some sort of big organization (whether) domestic and foreign branch affiliation, is not necessary. To reach the growing number of students, some sort of pre-conformed set must be established as standards for the branch to follow. As a result all members will be conditioned according to the prescribed system. Many will probably end up as a prisoner of a systematized drill.

Styles tend to not only separate men - because they have their own doctrines and then the doctrine became the gospel truth that you cannot change. But if you do not have a style, if you just say: Well, here I am as a human being, how can I express myself totally and completely? Now, that way you won’t create a style, because style is a crystallization. That way, it’s a process of continuing growth. 

To me totality is very important in sparring. Many styles claim this totality. They say that they can cope with all types of attacks; that their structures cover all the possible lines and angles, and are capable of retaliation from all angles and lines. If this is true, then how did all the different styles come about? If they are in totality, why do some use only the straight lines, others the round lines, some only kicks, and why do still others who want to be different just flap and flick their hands? To me a system that clings to one small aspect of combat is actually in bondage.

This statement expresses my feelings perfectly: ‘In memory of a once fluid man, crammed and distorted by the classical mess.’

Knowledge in martial arts actually means self-knowledge. A martial artist has to take responsibility for himself and accept the consequences of his own doing. The understanding of JKD is through personal feeling from movement to movement in the mirror of the relationship and not through a process of isolation. To be is to be related. To isolate is death. To me, ultimately, martial arts means honestly expressing yourself. Now, it is very difficult to do. It has always been very easy for me to put on a show and be cocky, and be flooded with a cocky feeling and feel pretty cool and all that. I can make all kinds of phoney things. Blinded by it. Or I can show some really fancy movement. But to experience oneself honestly, not lying to oneself, and to express myself honestly, now that is very hard to do.

Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way round or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves.

Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend.

The highest technique is to have no technique. My technique is a result of your technique; my movement is a result of your movement.

A good JKD man does not oppose force or give way completely. He is pliable as a spring; he is the complement and not the opposition to his opponent’s strength. He has no technique; he makes his opponent’s technique his technique. He has no design; he makes opportunity his design.

One should not respond to circumstance with artificial and “wooden” prearrangement. Your action should be like the immediacy of a shadow adapting to its moving object. Your task is simply to complete the other half of the oneness spontaneously.

In combat, spontaneity rules; rote performance of technique perishes.

Do not be tense, just be ready, not thinking but not dreaming, not being set but being flexible. It is being “wholly” and quietly alive, aware and alert, ready for whatever may come.

The danger of training with the heavy bag is that it doesn’t react to one’s attack and sometimes there is a tendency to thoughtlessness. One will punch the bag carelessly, and would be vulnerable in a real situation if this became a habit.

Too much horsing around with unrealistic stances and classic forms and rituals is just too artificial and mechanical, and doesn’t really prepare the student for actual combat. A guy could get clobbered while getting into this classical mess. Classical methods like these, which I consider a form of paralysis, only solidify and constrain what was once fluid. Their practitioners are merely blindly rehearsing routines and stunts that will lead nowhere.

I believe that the only way to teach anyone proper self-defence is to approach each individual personally. Each one of us is different and each one of us should be taught the correct form. By correct form I mean the most useful techniques the person is inclined toward. Find his ability and then develop these techniques. I don’t think it is important whether a side kick is performed with the heel higher than the toes, as long as the fundamental principle is not violated. Most classical martial arts training is a mere imitative repetition - a product - and individuality is lost.

When one has reached maturity in the art, one will have a formless form. It is like ice dissolving in water. When one has no form, one can be all forms; when one has no style, he can fit in with any style.

Let me give you a bit of warning: just because you get very good at your training it should not go to your head that you are an expert. Remember, actual sparring is the ultimate, and the training is, only a means toward this. Besides running, one should also do exercises for the stomach - sit-ups, leg raises, etc. Too often one of those big-belly masters will tell you that his internal power has sunk to his stomach; he’s not kidding, it is sunk and gone! To put it bluntly, he is nothing but fat and ugly.

A fight is not won by one punch or kick. Either learn to endure or hire a bodyguard.

Forget about winning and losing; forget about pride and pain. Let your opponent graze your skin and you smash into his flesh; let him smash into your flesh and you fracture his bones; let him fracture your bones and you take his life. Do not be concerned with escaping safely - lay your life before him.”

Bruce Lee never trashed the different styles of martial arts saying they were not useful. What he was saying is that it is useful for one to know them, but to not let them become you. The skill of the fight is to realize that you are in combat with another person. Pre-arranged and practiced sets can not prepare you for the fight with another person. However they do help develop your technique.

Simplicity is key. The Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Simplicity. In keeping that rule in mind, it is possible for one to obey every rule set forth by God. In loving others how you love yourself, you would not murder, steal, deceive, worship idols, etc.

(Some people may have egos which develop into idolatry, but that is not normal. That is compensation for something that is either missing, or making up for something they do not feel they got enough of)

I believe a big portion of people being saved, depends on the Believer’s ability to be relevant. Establishing a purpose with the lost, which is the hardest thing to do.

Bruce Lee in explaining his martial arts form was much better than I in explaining my beliefs. But I feel his statements greatly match my own.

You can see much of God in all things, good or bad, if you choose to. Find those things and make the connection.

Notes

Acceptance

I could die any moment of any day.

The only question I would pose to myself in the event of passing is, “Did I fully accept God’s love for me?”

You see, the trick to this question is that once you fully accept something, it becomes a part of you. When you accept it, it means that you will not go against it. You will always embrace whatever it is that you accept, and by embracing it, it will show off of you.

Once you accept it, you reflect it.

We don’t really think about it often, or at least I don’t. But the things that we accept, are usually the things that we will most likely be remembered for. The things that we stand for, speak up for, exercise in our daily lives will make impacts on how people remember our existence.

I don’t want to just tolerate love. I want to bleed, sweat, cry, puke, and crap love. I want to embrace it, more than any single thing.

When I die I want there to be a huge crowd of people at my funeral. Not because I was popular, and certainly not to mourn my passing. Instead, I want thousand people to gather and give testimonies of how I genuinely cared. How I somehow inspired them to reach out and hug someone, or give a stranger 5 dollars for no apparent reason. To fill a random person’s tank up with gas. To pay for someone’s new clothes. To buy groceries for someone in need.

I WANT TO BE REMEMBERED FOR FULFILLING A NEED OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN….

Then I want to be remembered for inspiring someone else to fulfill a need.

Over and over and over again.

Is love just a concept to you? Or are you ready to make it your king?

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Doing Something..

Should I ever be in a nationally touring band. Making music for a living. I want employ a homeless person every tour to run merch, etc. If money is tight, we could take turns skipping meals in order to feed the homeless person. Even if only for a few weeks, I want to give that person a home and a family. To show them love, and show them how much God loves them. As opposed to just telling them.


This is why I can’t wait to tour and make music. To actually make a difference in people’s lives.

Ministry first. 

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A Piece.. (Vulnerable)

Chapter 3: Rules and Regulations

So why in our lives do we place so many rules on our brothers and sisters? It is almost as if we are preventing the most certain downfall. It is as if we make it easier to avoid the entire prospect of forgiveness. We give ourselves endless reason to do away with those who do not follow exactly what we believe.

Maybe the real reason we put forth all these rules, is because we fear making ourselves completely vulnerable to those we know will hurt us, or disappoint us. We are scared of the idea of having to forgive more than once or twice. Ultimately, we plant these rules in order to avoid the entire spectrum of forgiveness.

It is so much easier to give up on that which is not working perfectly, than to fine tune it, and find perfection in the flaws.

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Irony at it’s finest.

IRONY

It plays the greatest comedian in all of our lives.

Ever wonder how a generation who claims to hate the mainstream, allows the mainstream to dictate how they dress, act, speak? What is even better, is that by trying to go against the mainstream, the mainstream still dictates what we do, because our decisions were made based on the mainstream. I don’t want to look, act, or speak like that.. So I will do this instead. It is almost completely inevitable.

We are so desperate to be different, that we stray from one line, just fall into another.

I wish I had someone in my life, that would just follow me around and say, “You think you’re special don’t you? Well guess what? You’re not fuckin special.”

Yes, immediately you think of haters, people who live to talk shit about the things you do. But no, that’s not it. See because haters, make me feel special. To know that I create such an impact, such a stir that someone feels it is absolutely necessary to go against me. No, not haters. I need someone I don’t even know. A new someone every single day to just remind me that I come from the same lump of clay as everyone else in this world.

The moment I feel like I am beyond the human race, this Hulk Hogan figure (figuratively, not literally) should just come clothesline the shit out of me. And while I am down there, offer a leg drop for extra assurance that I am just another nothing.

I think it is funny to see people’s reaction to how I dress. One day I am wearing girl’s skinnies, the next I could be wearing baggy jeans with some j’s and a 2xl Ecko shirt. The stares I catch from anyone who sees me these two days in a row is amazing. Even more so than just wearing girl’s skinnies everyday. It gets crazier when I throw a nice blank GAP v-neck, with a vest, and some nice pants.

People wish I would stick to one thing. People think it’s weird to cross the boundaries. Why? Because mainstream dictates that a person should pick a certain way to dress, and stick with it. Fit the mold. Pick the things that appeal to you, and do your best to fit in that box.

I say forget the box. I like all music, I appreciate all fashion (even what some would consider fashion faux paux). I want to look like me. Every bit of confused, and contradicting as I am.

The only way to avoid the mainstream, is to never admit that there is one. See a piece of clothing? Like it? Get it. Wear it out. Regardless of what people say about it. Be a tool. Last I checked, looking like a tool wasn’t as bad as being one. And if you follow the mainstream, whether you wear Ed Hardy, Gap, Hot Topic clothing, American Eagle, Abercrombie, Goodwill clothing, no name brand clothes, you are still a tool. When you allow something that has absolutely no life except in the words of jerks determine what you wear, listen to, act like. You my friend, are the tool. Along with them.

:D

Make no excuses, just live.

Notes

The Day Music Was Just Music

Sometimes I wish I could go back to being young again. Not because I want to change my life, or undo something that I did. I just want to be young. Naive, ignorant, unaware of criticism.

I wanna go back to when I listened to Backstreet Boys, N’Sync, Britney Spears, Aerosmith, Blink 182, Foo Fighters, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Third Eye Blind, Juvenile, Nelly, Ja Rule, Busta Rhymes, Method Man and Redman, Eminem, Limp Bizkit, Korn, Boyz II Men, etc. without ever distinguishing the difference between any of them.

I wanna go back to the day music was just music.

There are so many people, and yes I am aware I have done it plenty too, who sit around and talk about “OH I HATE THIS BAND!! It’s not REAL music!”, or “Oh I hate Hip Hop/Metal/Pop/Rap/Alternative because it’s not REAL music”.

How stupid are we? It is ALL music. Music is not selective, music is omniscient. Every single living thing talks/sings/chirps/buzzes/rings in melody. It may not be a beautiful melody, but i assure it all has it’s own note.

We humans, we construct scales and organize musical sound, and attempt to see that as the only music which exists.

Music is beyond us. Almost none of us fully grasp and understand it.

I just want to be young again, naive, ignorant, and open to the idea that everything is music. That whether I prefer it or not, doesn’t affect it at all.

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